Child of Time

thelilnan:

employer: why should we hire you?

me: i got first place on Rainbow Road

employer: holy shit

(via merlinemryspendragon)

At the grocery store
Woman: *on cellphone* Why am I leaving you? Why am I--I'll tell you why.
Woman: Here's why. You don't respect me.
Woman: You called me a whore in front of my children.
Me: *says nothing, but has a face like O.O*
Woman: You don't respect me. And you know, there some white chick here in the store, she walking, she heard me say that and she make a face.
Woman: Because even she know you a piece of shit.
Head-cannon issues
Me (whining): Why won't my otp become canon!?
Mum: Because none of your ships become cannon.
Me: What?
Mum: They all are sunk by other ships
Me: I've taught you too much...

reallyreallyreallytrying:

yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger

(via kingshezza)

pansysky:

spookytox:

reaill:

grimfemme:

I just wanted to eat breakfast ;(

welp now we know the distinction between the two

Have….have people…not eaten shredded wheat before? The regular sized ones?

You put it in a bowl and pour milk on it (with sugar + cinnamon if you’re not some lunatic fiber satan who just wants to eat wheat strings) and let it soak a bit before breaking it up and eating bite sized portions with your spoon.

DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!

NONE OF US KNEW THAT

(via vampiresintwilightsparkle)

Me and my Gizmo vwv I love him to death

Anonymous said: what if for halloween the avengers decide to dress up as each other, so they draw names from a hat and clint and natasha get tony and steve. and so later at a halloween party everyone's imitating/making fun of each other and so natasha and clint decide to act like tony and steve do around each other (aka: looking like sad pining puppies)

theappleppielifestyle:

It stops being funny after-

Or, no. It was never funny, and Tony is sure the others are only laughing out of spite, because come on

"We don’t act like that," Tony insists for the third time, and Steve echoes an affirmation, which have been getting flimsier as Natasha and Clint’s acting has gotten more dramatic.

Around them, Thor is laughing and Bruce has long since stopped holding back giggles. Clint!Steve and Natasha!Tony go back to pointedly ignoring each other, before Natasha gasps, dropping the book she had been pretending to read, and Clint makes a big show out of running to her side.

"What happened," Clint says, in an awful, awful Brooklyn accent that makes Steve wince when he hears it. "Do I need to carry you to the infirmary, Tony? With my big, strong muscles?"

"It’s just a papercut, Cap," Natasha says, sighing, and Clint kicks the book she had been holding, hissing insults at it for hurting his ‘beloved Tony.’

"Come on, guys," Steve tries wearily, his face pinched. "Lets’ just-"

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zevransbutt:

me: *points at adult character who is taller, stronger and older than me* small child. must protect at all costs. shelter. very tiny

(via kingshezza)